The main reason I started selling on Etsy was because of my pregnancy losses. I had two miscarriages and a ruptured ectopic. My therapist recommended that I find a way to remember and celebrate those losses, like a memorial trinket on Etsy. It was my first time hearing about Etsy, but I decided to try it out. I wasn’t finding anything I liked anywhere else. It was all too mushy or over-the-top frilly for me. Etsy was exactly what I was looking for. I was amazed at all the miscarriage and memorial things I found, and they were all unique and could be personalized. I found a simple but elegant hand stamped miscarriage ornament I loved, and the shop owner was so sweet in customizing it for me. I fell in love with Etsy and decided I wanted to open my own shop to help people like me.

Custom miscarriage ornament made for me by Mary at Etsy shop Divine Memories

I was talking with my friend the other day who has tried to get pregnant for four years. She saw an article on a news site written by a woman discussing how hard it is to struggle with infertility. The comments on the article were harsh, saying things like, “You can always adopt,” “We don’t always get the car or job we want, so just get over not having a kid,” and “The world is overpopulated. It’s selfish to bring another kid into it.” Unless you’ve been through it, you can’t understand it. I lost two friendships because my pregnant friends didn’t understand why I had a hard time being around pregnant women. It wasn’t because I wasn’t happy for them—I was very happy for them, I wouldn’t wish a miscarriage on anyone — it’s because it was a reminder of my losses. Wanting a kid isn’t the same thing as wanting a luxury car or a dream job. Being able to have kids is part of being a woman, so not being able to have one cuts to the core of how some women define themselves. Why can’t I do this simple thing my body was designed to do and other women can do so easily?

Miscarriage and memorial ornaments are by far my biggest sellers. So many women are struggling with infertility and pregnancy and infant loss, and I wish I could tell all those women that they are not alone. Sadly, it’s a common thing that no one talks about, though more and more people are. What speaks of this is the changes made to two of my ornaments. They say, “You left footprints on my heart,” and “Always with me.” Almost always the customer changes it to say “on our hearts” and “with us.” It’s incredible to me. When I designed these ornaments, I was thinking about the woman who suffered the loss, but really it’s a family loss. The partner, grandparents, siblings, everybody experiences the grief. How awesome that they want to be included, too!

The other big surprise to me is that miscarriage ornaments are often ordered as gifts for friends and family members. To me, it’s a personal thing that I’d want to pick out for myself, but why not give it as a gift? What a great reminder that women shouldn’t have to suffer in silence. The people ordering these ornaments are going out of their way to say, “We are a part of this, too.” I love it!

To all the women who are struggling with infertility or grieving the loss of a pregnancy or infant, you are not alone, and your babies are not forgotten. There are hundreds of support groups and sites dedicated to helping you with your grief, and of course, dozens of Etsy sellers here to help you find the perfect way to remember your little angel so you can grieve on your own timeline in your own way.

Cari
www.etsy.com/shop/embervalley
embervalley@hotmail.com